Souvenir Signing Shutdown by Starr

There must be a reason for the bitter change of heart that has spurred Ringo Starr to spurn his fans. At the height of the Beatles popularity, there was hardly an indication that Ringo Starr would turn into a grumpy old scrooge. He was the most sentimental member of the legendary Beatles band, selecting to record mushy songs like "Act Naturally" and "Octopus Garden". Perhaps it's all that wealth, the immense riches he obtained and enjoyed because of the fans who loved and cared for them like gods, and who bought everything he recorded after the breakup even if it was rubbish to begin with. His arrogant display of ingratitude will return to haunt him.

In an unprecedented announcement on his website, Starr declared that he will no longer sign memorabilia for fans and will throw all fan mail after October 20. He said he had too much to do. At 68 years old and with enough money to last him several lifetimes, he can't even hire a couple of forgers to sign in his behalf? Aside from constructing a pyramid for his entombment when he departs, perhaps with a golden set of drums and diamond studded drumsticks, what could he be busy with? His recorded solo albums sound like they were done while he was using the toilet after a week of constipation, where the melodies resembled the the shrieks of the screaming banshees. It didn't appear like it was a lot of work. It was not even worth mentioning that it was made by an ex-Beatle because it seemed blasphemous for being so deadbeat.

This is not the first time Ringo has invited the fan's ire. Some months ago, the world famous band was immortalized in greenery at their hometown in Liverpool, taking center stage at the town's South Parkway. Plants were cultivated for 18 months and then cut and shaped into John, Paul, George and Ringo using artists commissioned from Tuscany. Ringo outraged Liverpoolians during a visit wherein he opened the European Capital of Culture event, by saying that he missed nothing about the city. A few days later, the topiary of Ringo Starr was beheaded. A sure sign that the citizens felt disrespected by the thoughtless and ungrateful remark.

This time, it may not just be his head that the fans would seek to chop off, and it wouldn't be a plant or topiary either. Being the least creative of the group, if at all, Ringo is perhaps trying to build his musical legacy at this late stage, and feels he may be running out of time. This could explain why he has too much to do; as he reaches into the depths of his soul to unleash his true creative talent. He may just as well be reaching into the bowels of his anatomy as there is no creative talent to be found there except the final product of a very large intestine.

Haaaarrrrrrrwwwwk...Twooooooooph...Ting!

McCartney's Misery

The long and winding road to a final settlement continues to elude former Beatle Paul McCartney. Returning to a High Court in London for the second round of hearings to reach a final financial settlement, the issue has come down to the bottomline, money; and all the misery it has brought Sir Paul in this tempestuous marriage.

Heather Mills is representing herself in this case and is projected to receive anywhere between 60 to 100 million pounds of Paul's estimated 800 plus million pound wealth. The biggest divorce settlement in British courts was 48 million pounds imposed against businessman John Charman last May. The McCartney - Mills divorce is being held behind closed doors and is expected to last 5 days. Speculation among divorce experts suggest that their 4 year old daughter Beatrice will be provided for and ensure that there is no overwhelming disparity between her mother's lifestyle and Paul's, from her point of view.

Mills, who once lambasted the media for portraying her as a gold digger, claimed that she had been driven on the brink of suicide for the treatment she received from the press. She added that she suffered abuse beyond those hurled against murderers or pedophiles. For his part, Paul McCartney has kept silent and seeks to have Heather do the same as a condition under the settlement. The court will make its decision, taking into account the limited span of the marriage. Details of the settlement will not be made public.

By the end of this case, Paul McCartney will have gone through an acrimonious divorce arising from a failed marriage that was exploited in public, for all the juicy details, late in his storied career. At 65 years old, an age where he should be retiring in the Isle of Wight, Heather is not predisposed to need or feed him, but rather feed on him. And the money that has caused all this misery will be sliced for the once low ranking ex-model, who will certainly fly in the sky with diamonds, from Paul's hard day's night incomes of over five decades.

Sergeant Pepper should take careful stock of his image as he may be portrayed like the fool on the hill at this late stage in his life. It would be a sorry finis to the legacy of the highly regarded Beatles band to have one of its stalwarts billed as a loser.

Haaaarrrrwwwwk...Twoooooph...Ting!

Bedding-down in a Beatles Bedroom

After traveling through The Long and Winding Road, I've Got A Feeling that A Hard Days Night hotel is the best place I can Act Naturally. Taking the advice of Dr. Robert, Yesterday, Words of Love from the Day Tripper meant nothing but Misery. What Goes On is that You've Got To Hide Your Love Away Across The Universe, and simply Let It Be. I asked Michelle to "Tell Me Why", but the Devil In Her Heart gave No Reply. She's Leaving Home, she said. "You Can't do That", i pleaded, "We Can Work It Out! Tell Me What You See", I implored, "You Really Got A Hold On Me!" "I'm Looking Through You," she blurted, and "You Won't See Me. Things We Said Today.... What You're Doing... Eight Days A Week...,You Like Me Too Much and I Don't Want To Spoil The Party, so like I said The Night Before, I've got my Ticket To Ride and Don't Bother Me"!

This silly dialog is outrageous, nevertheless it tells a story of sorts... agree?

Liverpool is determined to transform itself into a center of culture and the Beatles are its centerpiece attraction. Recently, Ringo Starr performed in a concert there and Paul McCartney is expected to do the same this February. A Beatles themed Hotel has been established using a Beatles titled song for its name. A Hard Days Night Hotel is a stones throw from the famous Cavern Club, where the Beatles started, has 110 rooms and 2 penthouse suites. It has a wedding Chapel and Civil License office, so couples can get married, have their pictures taken with life sized Beatles photos, and proceed to the suites for their honeymoon decorated with Beatles paraphernalia and playing Beatles music.

The John Lennon suite is decorated in minimalist style with a white baby grand piano, to rekindle images of Lennon performing his hit "Imagine". Owners have had no problem with bookings and they have received inquiries and reservations all over the world. The Beatles have been Liverpool's biggest export and this hotel has done very little sales effort, yet already reaping potential blockbuster benefits. The hotel will open in 45 days.

Beatles fans can get their imaginations going in this hotel, or simply re-live the nostalgia of those carefree and turbulent years of social upheavals, revolutions, permissiveness, philosophical diatribes, exotic substances, and great music that sang and expressed the feelings and conditions of those times and the aspirations of those youthful, would-be revolutionaries.

Those were the days... for that generation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Welcome to reality folks. If it doesn't suit you, blame yourself. You contributed to what it is today. So in your trip down memory lane, don't stay too long, you might find this world to oppressive and do away with yourself. Wait for your retirement boomers - if there's any left for you to spend.

Haaarrrwwwwk...Twooooph...Ting!