Paris Pares its Pest Population

Paris, the fabled city of romance is ending its romantic liaison with one of its equally fabled inhabitants - the sewer rats. Since the film "Ratatouille" was released in France last August a sharp surge in rat sales swept the country. Not that the French were keen on eating rats nor attempting to discover a skilled cook, but that they started to view these creatures in a different light. The rats have been adorned with such adjectives as cute, intelligent and social, making them a hot item and somewhat... well, using French lingo...fashionable. Rat pets were in great demand, especially the Remy lookalikes (soft hair and rounded ears), and sales of rat accessories jumped by 40%.

But this love affair has come to an end. An estimated 8 million rats reside in Paris, outnumbering the human population by 4 to 1; aided in no small way by the city's canals, river, and restaurants that make it a rodent's paradise. The city has chosen the months of May and June to launch this genocidal attack because reproduction is at its peak during the spring. More importantly, it will prepare the city for the summer months when tourists flock to Paris whose romantic expectations could be trashed by seeing rats within 20 meters of their feet every so often.

After being loved as pets, these animals who recognize their names, play like a cat or dog, and grow very attached to their owner, are back on the disgusting tag. At the Boulangerie, people are appalled to see rats streaking on the floors, crawling near the food, and merrily exploring cabinets. There's just too many of them to be ignored or dismissed. The film has actually given the rats a new image and a new leash on life, but their indefatigable manner of reproduction has exceeded the space they were given, that they could well challenge all the Parisian cats to deadly combat and annihilate all cat breeds. They could launch a counter attack on Parisians themselves and come out the victor, but they know better. If they finish off the humans, theirs will be paradise lost.

At least the city is incapable of killing all of them, and paradise will remain for the rest. The city should at least ensure that none of those exterminated have chef potentials. Being so exposed to French cooking perhaps the next generation of rats will truly produce a "Jaimice Oliver", "Ratgang Puck", "Marodent Batali", and "Ratchael Ray".

Haaarrrwwwwk...Twoooooph...Ting!

Fees For Flats in France

Beneath the beauty of its surface, the grandeur of its history, and the romance of its surroundings, lies an ugly and demeaning reality of the image of Paris. The victims are fresh faced students, single parents, and poor young career professionals starting out, who cannot afford exorbitant accommodations due to a festering housing crisis; whose income shortfalls cannot sustain roofs over their heads, and are forced to rent in exchange for sex.

The predators are men who are seeking sex for housing, taking advantage of the vulnerability of their prey's situation to satisfy their lustful intentions. Liberation journalist Ondine Millot's six month investigation into this perverse side of Frenchmen also describes a book, Mes Cheres Estudes (My Dear Studies) about Laura's (not her real name) slide from being an undergraduate into a poverty stricken student forced to surrender her body to pay the rent. The contrasting environments of the academe and the reality of her conditions is enough to create permanent distortions in her perceptions of social values, honor, respect, dignity, justice, governance, citizens safety and protection, human rights, among many others that define responsible citizenship, love of country and fellowmen.

There are about 1 million homeless people in France, one hundred thousand of whom sleep in the streets. The students have waged protests by camping in tents at Canal Saint Martin and occupying an abandoned building in front of the Bank of France, calling it the Ministry of Housing Crisis. They have also invited students and other homeless people to squat with them in the building. The protests have forced legislators to introduce a law making housing a legal right, putting it in the same category as education and health.

The landlords at times demand that occupants show salaries that's 3 times the cost of rent, making it impossible for the less privileged to have a place to stay. This has emboldened predators who advertise on websites and periodicals for "flats in exchange for services", or the more bluntly stated "Open in Spirit and Elsewhere" or "For Libertine Services" and outright degrading "Sex Twice a Month". The flats are squalid and unhealthy, but the fees are the worst part of this distasteful state of affairs.

The most fitting punishment for such perverted "landlords" is a revival of the guillotine and public mutilation that will make eunuchs of these despicable breed of mammals who can hardly be called men.

Haaarrrrwwwwwk...Twooooooph...Ting!