Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Paris Pares its Pest Population


Paris, the fabled city of romance is ending its romantic liaison with one of its equally fabled inhabitants - the sewer rats. Since the film "Ratatouille" was released in France last August a sharp surge in rat sales swept the country. Not that the French were keen on eating rats nor attempting to discover a skilled cook, but that they started to view these creatures in a different light. The rats have been adorned with such adjectives as cute, intelligent and social, making them a hot item and somewhat... well, using French lingo...fashionable. Rat pets were in great demand, especially the Remy lookalikes (soft hair and rounded ears), and sales of rat accessories jumped by 40%.

But this love affair has come to an end. An estimated 8 million rats reside in Paris, outnumbering the human population by 4 to 1; aided in no small way by the city's canals, river, and restaurants that make it a rodent's paradise. The city has chosen the months of May and June to launch this genocidal attack because reproduction is at its peak during the spring. More importantly, it will prepare the city for the summer months when tourists flock to Paris whose romantic expectations could be trashed by seeing rats within 20 meters of their feet every so often.

After being loved as pets, these animals who recognize their names, play like a cat or dog, and grow very attached to their owner, are back on the disgusting tag. At the Boulangerie, people are appalled to see rats streaking on the floors, crawling near the food, and merrily exploring cabinets. There's just too many of them to be ignored or dismissed. The film has actually given the rats a new image and a new leash on life, but their indefatigable manner of reproduction has exceeded the space they were given, that they could well challenge all the Parisian cats to deadly combat and annihilate all cat breeds. They could launch a counter attack on Parisians themselves and come out the victor, but they know better. If they finish off the humans, theirs will be paradise lost.

At least the city is incapable of killing all of them, and paradise will remain for the rest. The city should at least ensure that none of those exterminated have chef potentials. Being so exposed to French cooking perhaps the next generation of rats will truly produce a "Jaimice Oliver", "Ratgang Puck", "Marodent Batali", and "Ratchael Ray".

Haaarrrwwwwk...Twoooooph...Ting!

10 comments:

The Fitness Diva said...

Whaaaat???? Ye Gods, the French have gone MAD! Rats are (up until they started taking over, which rats WILL certainly do) cute? Pet material?
Stop. What foolishness is this?

My cat is now on a plane to France to lend some help. I hope she makes it back! ;)

Kim said...

ROFL Durano...
such a funny post ...I love the rat names :) :)..
I haven't seen this film yet but the rat does look adorable....
I think the inhabitants of Paris may have to bring Garfield in ...big time :)

Zhu said...

I'm not surprised... given the old building and pretty dirty streets, we are bound to have some Ratatouille around. Cockroaches are quite famous over there too!

durano lawayan a.k.a. brad spit said...

Hi Fitness Diva,

These are not the ordinary sewer rats they made pets of, but rodents of a different variety. Not hamsters too. Studies show that rodents can remember their names and want to be cuddled.

Your cat is facing roughly 8 million rats, she could be devoured in minutes. :-) --Durano, done!

durano lawayan a.k.a. brad spit said...

Hello Kim,

The film was good. It showed an ambitious rat who wanted to be better than just a rat because he knew he had skills. His dream was to be a Chef in France.:-)

It also depicted the many underground inhabitants of Paris and how they can really take over a place. It's funny!:-)

It would be too much for Garfield to handle. Maybe the Cats of Andrew Lloyd Webber would be more appropriate. I don't know how Paris will smell after killing off say 4 million rats? Ugh! :-) --Durano, done!

durano lawayan a.k.a. brad spit said...

Hi Zhu,

The buildings are kinda old, yes; and the streets too are not well kept. The sleeping quarters of students on a budget are so deplorable that they don't dare sleep with their mouths open - they might swallow a cockroach.:-)

All cities in the world have their share of pets. I just wonder if New York would have about 8 million Rats too. Maybe less. These creatures are survivors, they will be here long after man is gone. :-) --Durano, done!

Kim said...

ek ...Durano
the smell would be horrible...
I think the cats of Cats would be a lifesaver ...lol

durano lawayan a.k.a. brad spit said...

Hello There Kim,

Maybe a really great Chef can prepare an exquisite meal out of all those rats.

Rat pie anyone? Yuuuuuuccck!
:-)-- Durano, done!

yeng said...

i love the movie, but then i could not imagine myself petting a rat. but your article sir is very entertaining.

durano lawayan a.k.a. brad spit said...

Hi Yeng,

Thanks for dropping by. I had to do these 3 light articles after posting on that dreadful Austrian who made a sex slave of his own daughter for 24 years. Then had 7 children with her. That animal kept them locked in a cellar without sunlight nor fresh air.

I hope not to see anything of this sort in the Philippines. It's a horrible thing to do that I feel only a demon is capable of.

Ready for the next school year? I'm sure you'll do very well. :-) --Durano, done!