Thursday, June 26, 2008

A Rotting Road Rage

Aside from having had too much to drink, never drive when you're upset, it could make you smell bad.

Roger Davis (not his real name) drove to a Co-op supermarket in Lisburn Road Belfast, to return a bundle of rotten fish he had purchased earlier. His wife berated him endlessly and pushed him to return the items, nagging him about the high cost of food and the depletion of the household budget for a useless product. Unable to argue against his wife's wishes, he stormed from his home and drove several miles back to where he made the rotten purchase. Along the way he stopped by for gas and was aghast at the pump price he had to pay for filling up his 30,000 pound Toyota Lexus SUV. The drive to and from the supermarket with the fetid fish in his air-conditioned vehicle, coupled with the nagging and painful words of his wife, plus the price of gasoline, must have stressed him so much that it upset his stomach.

Upon reaching the store, he demanded a refund. However, he was told to wait as the store manager would have to be informed. After a few minutes, his stomach acted up and he sought directions to the comfort rooms. There was a long line ahead of him, and he needed to keep moving to hold it in place. Two men squeaked past him as a result. He was fuming, but decided to return to the counter. When he was asked for the receipt as proof of purchase, he could not locate it. The store manager refused to accept the returned items and shoved it back to him. He raged like a mad man and burst out of the store and into his car. As he drove off, he shifted the gear into drive rather than reverse, thereby crashing on top of a 17,000 dollar Toyota Celica, and a 45,000 pound Porsche; injuring the Porsche driver in the process. Both cars were expensively damaged. He will have to pay through his nose.

The moral of this story is: a) Smell anything you buy to ensure it's not rotten; b) If on the way home the odor has changed, throw it away and never tell your wife about the intended surprise; c) If your wife berates you for buying stinking fish, think how lucky you are that she didn't force you to eat it; d) If you feel bad about your wife's nagging, be thankful she married you despite being so dumb as to buy rotting fish; e) never leave the house without using the toilet; f) don't use a lexus for a toilet, wait in line instead.

A BBC reporter tried to talk to him, but he replied that he was in no mood for an interview. How could he? He was smelling worse than the rotten fish!



Jenaisle said...

That's a hilarious story, it made my morning...really Durano....

I couldn't help but laugh not at the misfortune of the poor fellow but at the absurdity of it all...just for a rotten fish!!!

Well, I remember the movie
"Butterfly Effect". Every little thing one does, affects the grand scheme of things.

Thanks for sharing.

Kim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kim said...

oops typo in the last comment ;)

ROFL Durano !!
this is the funniest story I've read in a long time...
only in Ireland eh !!!!
this would make an extremely good short film...
hehe loved your moral(s)
:) :)

durano lawayan a.k.a. brad spit said...

HI Jena Isle,

Thanks, It certainly made me laugh while posting it.

Rage really isn't a productive emotion, but in this case, it actually produced an output that is worthy only of being described as full of itself. :-) --Durano, done!

durano lawayan a.k.a. brad spit said...

Hello Kim,

Yes Kim, those temperamental Irish whose wars are happy and whose songs are sad. Now, they are producing involuntary outputs because perhaps the medium where it could be applied has ended - war.

The morals, well, I'll keep saying this Kim, God created man first as a rough draft, then created woman for perfection. If men still don't realize this, doomsday will come sooner than later. LOL! :-) --Durano, done!

SheR. said...

Another moral of the story:
Get rid of the gas guzzler. Buy an environmentally friendly car that consumes less fuel! ;)

Oh and another...
Never send a man out to buy fish! :P Just kidding.. Don't shoot me!

durano lawayan a.k.a. brad spit said...

Hi Sher,

Getting rid of the gas guzzler i agree with. The other one...well, most fishers are men and they should know how to look at fish. This one however must have been a sheep herder and doesn't know anything about fish. :-)

Or perhaps, he's just a beer drinker and should just be tasked to buy peanuts instead. :-) --Durano, done!